A Dress I Have No Business Wearing

Published on by TheMotherOctopus

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This is me in a dress I have no business wearing. It’s not the first time I’ve worn it and it won’t be the last time. I know it’s not flattering but I don’t want you to say, “OMG, YOU LOOK GREAT!” I don’t want you to say, “GOOD FOR YOU!” I want you to know why I’m wearing a dress I have no business wearing.

I took this picture two days ago. I was one and a half proseccos deep during a girl’s weekend with my best friend and we were on our way to a nice dinner. Someone could say that I look a little pregnant in it, because of, you know, that part sticking out in the front. I do look a little pregnant. That’s fine. Once upon a time I grew two babies in that part sticking out in the front, but I assure you, now it’s just where I keep my cheeseburgers and sauvignon blanc.

I bought this dress for a trip my husband and I took in July. When I tried it on I knew the dress wasn’t made for my 5’2″ body, 160 lb. body, but I felt great in it. I don’t know why. I just did. I’m not known to wear form-fitting clothes. At all. But I wanted it, so I bought it. And I was proud of myself for it.

The truth is, I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been, other than when I was pregnant. Another truth is that I’ve always struggled with my weight and if you’ve ever struggled with your weight, you know it’s not a physical struggle. It’s about how you see yourself and how you speak to yourself in your mind. After 40 years of telling myself I have no business wearing things I want to wear, I’ve decided to change the subject. I’ve decided to start being kind to myself.

I’m a work from home mom. I make my own schedule. I could spend 2 hours a day at the gym if I wanted to. I could run from here to Manhattan and back if I set my mind to it. The thing is, my mind is elsewhere. Right now I’m in the business of keeping my shit together. I’m in the business of raising loving children. I’m in the business of maintaining healthy friendships. I’m in the business of having a happy marriage.

For 40 years I’ve stood in the mirror and compared how I look to how I THINK I should look. And it’s exhausting. Now, in an ugly world where I have so many other, more important things to worry about, I’m hitting that red decline button when the self-doubt calls start pouring it. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to be in the business of loving myself. It’s as simple as that.

I’m not saying I’m giving up. I’ll still try to get healthy, here and there. I’m just taking a break from beating myself up. I’m muting the negative things I say to myself, because as it turns out, I care way more about my own comments than anyone else’s.

So here’s the thing. If I can put on a dress I have no business wearing to go out with my husband or to go to a fancy dinner at a nice restaurant with my best friend because it makes me feel good, you can too. And if I’m putting this picture on my Facebook page for 15,000 people to see, well then you can certainly wear a dress you have no business wearing to a BBQ this weekend. If the hard part is talking yourself into it, tell yourself life’s too short to worry about things you have no business wearing.

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49 thoughts on “A Dress I Have No Business Wearing”

  7. I just love you so much for this post! You said so many things that completely spoke to my soul. And the thing is, I keep hearing that we should all love ourselves but somehow that all sounded sort of vague to me and pretty much as unattainable as the body I was looking for. I’m making a mess of my thoughts here, but I really just had to tell you how great this is and how much I appreciate it.

    And P.S. I’m 99% sure it was my husband’s elbow on the train so sorry. 🙂

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  9. Speaking from the male perspective, you look extremely attractive and have sumptuous curves in all the right places….yes, that includes the tummy curve. In many men’s opinions, it is not natural to have a flat stomach.
    I would say your husband is a very lucky man.

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  10. Thanks for writing this, signed a reforming very self critical woman.

    I found your blog from a Yahoo article. I didn’t read the comments there, bad for one’s mental health.

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  11. Pingback: Mom blogger sends important message with dress she has ‘no business wearing’ – TakeJob
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  13. Hi, I know you said not to say this. I think you look good. I would love to have your body and right now I am working to get there. I have begun a program of superfoods, organic level, with plenty of antioxidants, and other good things that will encourage fat loss, muscle growth and toxin reduction. I am not a big cook so the idea of easy food prep that gives me great nutrition without lots of hassles is why I chose this route. My groceries arrive at my door, I unpack and know that I am doing well for myself. Some day soon, I hope to look as good as you…or better.
    If you this interests you, let me know.

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  15. This is a great post!! I, too, have issues with self-perception (who doesn’t!) and NEVER wear form fitting clothes – the baggier the better I say!! You look absolutely amazing!! I’ll be 52 in December, I work out, play hockey and can’t seem to reverse the effects of bad food intake… no surprise though – LOL!! Keep rockin’ you’re awesome!!

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  17. As a healthy, heterosexual man, I want you to know that you should not only be proud of how you look, but that if we weren’t both happily married, I’d be first in line drooling over how fantastic you look! There are hundreds of thousands of men who I know feel as I do. Your body is the prize – not some skinny stick figure! (And that’s not exaggeration – it’s sincere.)

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  18. I truly feel that i was meant to read this article today. As i have been working ( not very successfully) at “loving myself”. My husband and i are getting ready to go away for the night to celebrate my upcoming 40th birthday. I am so excited for this rare treat, yet i have a pile of clothes on my bedroom chair because i hate how i look in everything. I’m ready to dress in a sweater and jeans ( and still be self conscious ) on a day that they are calling for a heat advisory. I have read the quotes and inspirational messages so many times and it never seems to truly resonate with me the way your article did. I could go on and on, but i won’t. Thank you.
    Ok, time to dry my tears and go back… some weather appropriate clothes 🙂

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  20. I am really proud of you! I have always felt ashamed of my body. It did not matter if I was 113 pounds or 135 pounds. I felt uncomfortable in my own skill wondering what everyone was thinking of my body. In reality everyone is worried about their own body and really they do not give a shit about my body. LOL…at 46 I have realized: every scar and every wrinkle and every love handle is beautiful, I have birthed 2 healthy children, and have survived melanoma. My body shows where I have been and where I am going. Aging is no fun, but not everyone is fortunate enough to experience aging, so I am happy to be here and accept myself as I am. Be proud, wear what you want, dance in the rain, and take time to smell the flowers – life is what we make it, so enjoy it! Love to all XO

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  21. You look dang good. My wife would look equally good. Women need to forget about “what this dress looks like on them.” They need to get rid of the stereotypes from the Victoria Era. It has been more than 100 years since the Victorian norms messed up women’s minds. Be comfortable. When was the last time your husband, fiance, boyfriend, dad, brother, uncle, grandfather, etc. cared about how he looked wearing a paint-ridden pair of sports shorts, a T-shirt, and flipflops to a restaurant? Seriously, if whomever you are with has a problem with how you look, what you wear (unless you have an equally horrific aversion), the makeup you put on (heck, why do you need a mask anyway?) that whomever is not worth your time. Send him an email and tell him to drop by and pick up his ratty socks and other crap off the sidewalk. It is bad for your house’s curb appeal and you do not want the letter from your HOA.

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  22. Why no business wearing the dress M.O??? Screw the fashion police. They suck and only exist in our heads anyway. They’ve done enough damage. Time to tell them to screw, everyday! And what’s with the bald fat TSA guy sitting home alone, not having a life other than stating his asinine opinion on blogs, where he has no business being!. “Hear, Hear M.O! Like Billy Crystal will tell you “you look fabulous”!

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  24. I think I just purchased that same dress. Wendy Williams’ fitted knit tank dress, black. I’ve tried it on countless times and I always feel fabulous in it – just the right combination of sexy and classy. But I haven’t worn it out because – haters. Then I stumbled across your blog on MSN this morning, saw you standing there all beautiful and remarkable and queenly, saw the dress which is the same as mine, and read your words about being kind to yourself and the lightbulb came on that I’m my own biggest hater.

    Love you, love the blog – I’M WEARING THE DRESS TONIGHT! Thank you for that, gorgeous lady! ❤

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  26. Katey,
    I am 44 and built exactly as you have described yourself, 5’2″ and 155 lbs. I cannot seem to get to were you are. I am beyond in awe at your resolve. Thank you for being who you are and this world is so much of a better place because people like you are in it. Thank you for being a super great role model for all women.

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  27. YOU ARE AMAZING! THANK YOU FOR THIS POST/BLOG. IT SPOKE TO SOOOOOOO MANY OF US WOMEN WHO STRUGGLE EVERY DAY. I SENT THIS BLOG TO EVERY WOMAN I KNOW–BECAUSE TH MESSAGE IS SOO IMPORTANT! THANK YOU–AND I THINK YOU LOOK SMASHING IN THAT DRESS, BY THE WAY!

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  31. Thanks for being you. The most happy and healthy people I have met in my lifetime were people who just worked through anything that life brought them, then shared the lesson learned from the experience. I believe who is being who they are is beautiful. This gives us all a rich and colorful life just like all the seasons this world brings us. I commend you for sharing your beauty and please continue sharing through every stage of your life

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  32. Katey, You look Stunning in that dress & I’m sure your husband would agree with me. You have “EVERY RIGHT” to wear any dress you want to. People who put you down are so very FAR below you that htey can’t think straight.

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  33. Katey, You are nothing less than stunningly beautiful. Keep being yourself!. By the way, I am a 70 year old semi-retired man who, even at my age, still appreciates beauty. Also, I have never cared about what I wear because there are so much more important considerations to make. Best of everything!

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  34. It is soooooooooooo time that women take back their own bodies and self-image and stop letting others dictate what is beautiful or acceptable. Thank you for this post. As a plus-woman, I am coming around, but it’s taken a long time to feel ok about myself. Posts like these help so much. And BTW, you do look lovely in the LBD.

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  35. I think you look really hot in the dress and I personally wouldn’t have any problem taking you out on the town and showing you off to friends or family for that matter. Keep up the good fight girl!

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  38. You know what I love most about this pic? That smile that is just lighting up the room – if that’s how that dress makes you feel then you have every business wearing it!! Anything that makes you share that smile makes the world a nicer place xx

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