I’m going to just come right out and say it. Everybody needs to take it down a god damn notch with the cauliflower. I mean, sweet and sour Jesus, this has gotten out of control. Growing up in northern New York in the early 1980s, if my mother had told me that one day people would try to convince me that mashed up and flattened out steamed cauliflower would be an acceptable base for a pizza, I would’ve packed up my Pound Puppies and run away from home to join the circus. Ain’t nobody messing around with cauliflower at the circus, I’ll tell you that much right now.
Full disclosure, Michelle Obama’s Cauliflower Mac & Cheese recipe is one of my favorites. And I’ll sit right down and eat an entire head of roasted cauliflower in one sitting. Don’t you think I won’t. I’ll give you and your cauliflower ricing comrades kudos on roasted cauliflower until the cauliflower cows come home, but don’t be comin’ up in here with your cauliflower brownies and thinking that I’m going to let you sit on my couch and watch Fixer Upper with me. UH UH. Not happening.
Ok, I’m sorry for what I said about riced cauliflower. I take it back. I’ve made Tasty’s Cauliflower Fried Rice recipe a few times, and, it’s really good. I was fine with that, but YOU HAVE CROSSED A LINE with your Cauliflower Eggs Benedict. Benedict Arnold or whoever Eggs Benedict was named after is probably rolling over in his yolk-soaked grave right now.
I know you’ll have me believe that carbs are the enemy. I understand that you want me to think that potatoes and flour are for heathens and mole people. But, let me tell you something. If you DARE show up to my house warming brunch with Cauliflower Everything Bagels, I will literally fist fight you in front of the quiches and then I’ll call your mother AND your grandmother and I will tell them what you’ve done. If you can live with disappointing your Mee-Maw like that after she worked her fingers to the bone knitting mittens for you that you probably lost at a frat party in college, well then that’s on you, Allison.
And then you’re going to post on Facebook that Cauliflower Nachos are better than old school nachos? ARE YOU WOMAN ENOUGH TO COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE? Yea. I didn’t think so.
I’m all for eating healthy and trying to sneak in some veggies into recipes here and there so my kids won’t notice, but for the love of all that’s decent on this great green earth, some things are sacred. And if you think I’m going to let you desecrate my turn to host book club with a Cauliflower Cheesecake, you’re obviously not the person I thought you were.
This may come as a surprise to some of you, but I’m mildly domesticated. Don’t panic – I SAID MILDLY. I consider myself to be mostly like Cher from Mermaids because I’m best at making appetizers and my stomach’s happiest when my three best friends Wine, Cheese and Crackers swing by for a get together. So with Superbowl weekend upon us, I have to share what is TRULY THE BEST THING EVER to bring to your Superbowl party this year. JRECK SUB DIP. Trust me, just make it. Everyone’s going to basically go nuts.
I may live on Long Island now (yes, the home of the 6 foot hero), but no overgrown downstate sub will EVER compare to the Jreck Subs I grew up eating in northern NY. Not gonna happen. When I stumbled upon and made Mary Alice’s Hoagie Dip from Food Network a few years ago, I realized that I could make it to taste exactly like the beloved subs of my youth. All of you northern and central NYers reading this, I MEAN EXACTLY LIKE JRECK’S. So many of us have moved away from home but we still pine for those subs we grew up on and this is the way to have them whenever you want. I promise, you will NOT be disappointed!
I play around with the combo of meats and cheese I use. Feel free to use whatever you like on your subs, BUT DOCTORING UP THE DRESSING is how I really make it taste like home. Adding red wine vinegar and spicy red pepper relish takes this app to another level. I use pre-packaged deli meats to keep the cost down because, let’s be honest, cold cuts are expensive AF. Food Network shows their dip in a bread bowl but ain’t nobody got time for bread bowls when there’s Jreck Dip to be eaten! Also, this dip tastes better the next day so feel free to make it ahead. Don’t worry if the veggies wilt a little, it really boosts the flavor. True story – we always eat the leftovers for breakfast the next day because no one can wait for lunch to dig in!
JRECK SUB DIP
(combine all ingredients)
1 medium sweet onion – diced
3/4 head chopped/shredded iceberg lettuce
1 large tomato – seeded and diced
5-6 pepperoncinis – chopped
4-5 oz. deli sliced black forest ham
4-5 oz. deli sliced roast turkey
4-5 oz. deli sliced roast beef
4-5 oz. deli sliced salami
8 oz sliced provolone – diced
2 loaves of italian bread or hoagie rolls, sliced a little larger than crostini size
All that’s left to do now is strap on your stretchy pants and get ready for your friends to hoist you onto their shoulders and carry you off the field like Rudy Ruettiger because you’re about to win at Superbowl appetizers.
If you’re reading this and you love someone who loves Jreck subs and doesn’t get to northern or central NY enough to enjoy them, please share this with them! You’ll score major points.
I’d love to see pics of your own Jreck Dip so feel free to tag me or hit me up on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. Happy apping everyone!